It's been a very long time

 It has been a very long time since I have written anything here and is not because I didn't write anything. There are several drafts saved up here that are just not posted. There have been so many changes since the last time I wrote to you. Right after your birthday this past year, my sister called me to let me know Mom was sick in the hospital non-responsive. Little that I know September is going to get more painful for me. When my sisters call, they tell me Mom got some kind of infection that they cut not pinpoint to where the infection was located. Mom had been unconscious by the time she had arrived at the hospital and without eating for days. I book a flight to CT., for the very next day to go and be with her, she became responsive by the time I was landed in Washington airport and i talk to her facetime while waiting for my next flight to Hartford, everything looks like she was improving so i stay that night with your brother Jonathan and his family. The next morning, I picked up my car rental from the airport and drove all the way to New London.  Upon arrival she was making improvements, she was responsive, talking but very confused at times. My mission was to make sure that she eats, drinks lots of fluids and the doctor find out what kind of infection she had. They were running so many different tests to find out what was making her this sick. Little that we know that this day would be the last day Mom will be conscious. While the day continued the family kept calling and talking to her telling her to eat my mom declined all food items even her favorites. At 8 pm visits are over and me and my twin where the last remaining in the room, after we have kiss mom goodbye, she calls my name "Mayra" I turn back and tell her to rest and promise I be there first thing of the morning and walk out, that was the last time I hear my mom call my name.

The next morning around 5 or 6 am I received a call from my sister letting me know that Mom was moved to ICU and was put on a ventilator because she was having a very hard time breathing. I got ready and when to the hospital and try to bargain with the nurses to let me in,  it didn't work by the time visitations started my sister Liz was there with me, we both work in the health system, we both have seen plenty of this things but when is your mother is totally different it was a shock we hold back tears and started asking questions. The doctors check with MRI, CT scan, EKG, blood test, X rays, Ultrasounds the list and the re-testing was extensive still and so where the different antibiotics they try to see what work before i knew it i have been in the hospital three weeks non-stop praying, hoping, watching the monitors, crying, talking to her, listening to the songs she likes and play so many times, stretching and moving her limbs, coming her hair, cleaning her face, and looking at her. I must turn back home to your little sister and my husband to my jobs, and it was a very long flight home with tears i when back. I was back just for less than a week when the doctor asked for a meeting and told us to be entreating the thought of losing her. I got another flight back to CT. this time to be there and try the last resorts of getting to wake up, the doctors try to see if she will breathe on her own but it was not a success, she spike a fever that didn't when down by this point her longs where compromise her liver, her kidneys stop working and they have to do dialysis, blood transfusions, her limbs where getting so thin, her eyes where sinking in and we were ask again on what to do if keeping her alive with machines or letting her go. the four of us sit down and agree Mom loves life but only if she can have enjoyment she loved dominoes, Chinese food, shopping, all her grandkids uff there is so many 12 and 4 great grandkids, red roses, jewelry. For her being stuck in a bed with a ventilator that was not quality of life, and we knew it. We all did so with this we took the hardest decision her children have to take, Mom got disconnected of the beathing machine at 8 pm September 23, 2023, and pass away withing minutes shrouded by her children, sister and family. I can say this about my experience as i hold my mother’s hand and felt the warm of her hand fade away i felt like i was a child crying out to her mother with the same intensity calling for my mother who have left us. my Mom's name was Teresa she was only 62 years old, she was not perfect but she was the mother God gave us and We love her beyond words can say, At this point whatever had happened thru our lives didn't not matter we have forgiven it all and we love her no matter what and we will continue to do so until we take our last breath,  all agree that without her we won't be as we are strong independent self-sufficient and all come out to the other side just fine. Next month she will be buried with my Grandparents as the last step of her wishes.

She asks about you all the time if I have seen you, when she will see you and sadly, she never meets you, to see how handsome and how she can see me in you in the hair the eyebrows the form of face. 

There is so much today that brings me so much sadness that's why it has been so hard to write.

Another day I will tell you about my twin sister is a long story.