Waiting for Willmael Delgado

Today is your birthday 11 years had past since i saw your face for the first time after a long night of labor you where finally here i was very happy you where a healthy baby boy all ten fingers and ten toes lots if black hair i fall in love with your face and today is your 11 birthday wow you soon be a teen just a couple of more years and in seven more you be 18 that is like a snap of the finger to me because just like that past the time with your oldest brothers jojo have his own life all ready with his baby mom and his daughter and Josh is working while going to school in junior year this is your last year of elementary school and things will start to take a faster paste for now just be a kid and remember that i love you and you are always on my prayers I'm here when you need me dulcemaru79@gmail.com just waiting for you HAPPY BIRTHDAY WILLMAEL I LOVE U!!

 Is hard to say in new ways how much I miss you how that space today still empty and there is not filling it up because your that puzzle piece that will fill up that empty space in my hearth is so unique there no one like it in this planet. I will like to say again I'm here and i be here until the end of my days here for you here for when you need me you not alone there is this hole other part of your life that is not been made visual to you but is here for you. You are so wanted love and miss my baby blue.                                                                                    love mom                                                   ...

   Hello baby blue fall in on the air with the cold wind and the change of leaves and September is gone another year missing you this is some how one of the hardest times of the year for me it mark your birthday and the last time that i hug you talk to you and saw you in person. September is the time that i celebrate meeting that handsome face and falling in love with you even more and that i grieve the time and space between us your smile your voice that i imagine is changing now that you have become a teen i miss you baby blue  I will keep praying for you loving you and waiting here for you. I hope you are doing well in everything you do Te Amo Wilo ayer hoy y siempre con amor Mama

Today you are officially 13 OMG you are growing my baby blue. I wish you the most awesome birthday God bless you always i love you Willmael. I have been not writing but it does not mean i have not think of you pray for you and miss you. I have been feeling happy and sad and up and down. I'm happy you are growing and sad because i have miss so much. But i will continue to pray to God hopping he will listen to my cries. We can be far but this love will always be here for you my baby blue                                                                                                    love Mom

In 1998 i was just 18 and about to have my second boy. Josh who i call my teddy bear he is the sweetest of my boys always giving hugs and kisses also very stubborn and in need to make his own mind and decisions on his own separating other people opinions. Never the less he is he and i love him regardless of time  he will be always be one of my boys given by God to me for a reason. and here 18 years later we have been thru thick and thin the good and the bad and i got to say when you love your kids you will forget wait fight smile cry pray and wait  you do it all for the love that never goes away. tomorrow he will be 18 be he will be always my meat ball with his giggles that same little human been i hold in my arms and for ever in my hearth. I always wanted a girl since day one but today i can not see my life with out my boys they made me better. Never regrets my kids but if i can give them a advice get to know yourself first then figure out what you need out of a partner date ...

If you are in this boat you will know you will be thinking of your children at times like this when everyone is sleeping and the silent strikes when you see a kid your child age when you go into a store and see thinks you think he /she  may like when holidays birthdays and everyday is beginning  and ending you wondering about him/her. Love those not vanish just because  they are out of site pain does not stop because you stop crying at all times. We become wanderers of what have become of this loves ones of ours. Don't ever give up hope love does never quit.

This year we have been full of changes some good some bad but is the nature of life to adjust  to this and do the best of any situation. I have pray for a change on our relationship i have not give up and i don't think i will ever do. In previous years i have been on the blue side feeling like another year have past by and time was getting us more apart but i will say i feel like as you growing and become your own person we have a better chance. I have live it to God to work on in our hearths and have faith that one day you will look for answers. I will be always be here for you and you brothers and sister until  God call me to his side i will not always agree with decisions but advise forgiveness and acceptance always will be in my hearth for each of you. Your life is your journey to go thru as my life have been my journey none of my children are a extension of me but their own individuals and i have to respect that and let you all learn from your decisions i can only guide ...

 In the anniversary of Sandy Hook I was remembering the days that fallow this tragedy the sadness and the pain. I also remember the question everyone was asking, why?. Weeks, months even years have past and no one will ever know what drove this individual to commit such a cruel act to this children and adults.  When listening to the conclusions of why it was believe he did it some experts said he was mentally unbalance some others that it was video games, others say he was an introverted person. It cut have been so many things but I think what made it to this big scale was that people around him family, friends or anyone who notice some of his behaviors just didn't recognize that there was an issue here that he need it help that he was screaming for help with his behavior. I think Anna's mother Nelba is doing such a Good job by creating awareness about  raising your voice to say this is not right or i think he needs help to know how to notice this issues and not just swee...

I love my mother don't get me wrong I will always love her no matter what I got to remind myself she is a person who have mental issues since forever but it's a lonely road having a mom like mine I can't not tell her everything because she will drown in a cup of water never the less what I have been going thru so there is no mom what shut I do or what your advise will be pretty much no direction from her because she is a drift herself so with that I have to live. I think that's is part of why I made so many mistakes I was desperate to belong in a place to a family  with no sense of belonging there is a  big defenseless part of myself that let the wrong people in taking advise even it it was wrong advise and guidance from what a believe was a good motherly figure to me. I was so naive and stupid and adding up lonely and lost any king of love was good for a fool like me. Yes i was 23 and yet knew nothing, if I knew what I know now. I always say this but not as often I ...

Another year pass by people keep asking if i ever give up the answer is simple no  can't give up in my kids never. They are part of me but they are their own individuals they are not not just an extension of me neither  accessorize to my life but i will always love them no matter what. For the pass years people are being trying to say you where no good you where a bad mom  when the only now so little about me. I was born in the island of Puerto Rico, the only child of a young couples marriage that only survive burly a year.I was raise in the beautiful country side of the island my mother have a studio like apartment that my grandma and grandpa have build for us. I was the only child but i wasn't,  I have seven aunts and one uncle so I had plenty to play with most of the time it was my aunt Ivonne and Oneida believe it or not i was older than Ivonne by 10 days and even older than Oneida by 2 years. we where wild child's lol climbing trees picking berries swinging from...

When I started this year i was still on the food roller coaster ride o write here but boy when the worst days came I ate everything and I cut not stop I wanted to fill that hole in me so seek for help started with the options on nutritionist and doctor both for the physical and emotional my highest weigh was 230 pounds and son you mom is only 5 feet so you can imagine I was big and getting sick but i cut not stop after that last attempt to reconnect with you it got worse.After long consideration I toke action regarding this matter today I'm 163 pounds feel way better physically and some mentally i still have my days where my hearth aches and I feel down but I remind myself that not all is lost and that God have a plan for us and what ever it is I have to accept it and go with his plan.i will keep knocking in your door to see if you open up and talk to me at list tell me what ever i did wrong so you wanted avoid me so we can work on it Willmael I'm not perfect but I love you mor...

When you live as an alienated parent you live with pain, sorrow and regrets but you also ask yourself how are things holding up in your child end . You tray to understand what they going thru but you only can see the tip of the iceberg there is much more to what you know. For instance you know the story of how thinks came to be but on the other side to your kid there is another story and believe me the narcissistic parent or in my case grandmother will make it something that will come from a novel, you will be almost be he spit of the devil or in my case the back bone of him. She will be the very sacrifice mother Theresa with the peace price  she never in her entire existence made or did anything to deserve the bad trash taking from anyone ever. betrayal is a key in alienation you with me or against me if you love the other end you don't love me any attempt of the child to make a relationship with the other parent it be reprehended so the will be no option for the child to comply w...

Hello my dear baby boy, I have open and close this blog many times try to write but is hard when I think of you this moments or better said in this change of season fall always mark an other year of not seeing you not even hearing your voice. It doesn't not matter the years it always hard missing a love one but in the mist of the waiting I pray to God to hear the mothers prayer for her child. Faith is the glue  that make my heart not to fall in to pieces. I pray for strength to  over come the things I can not understand why or how there is people that wanted to take us apart and then i think there is not understanding of the why in a mind of a narcissistic person i will get lost just to find one. So i just pray to God to interfere in your hearth to give straight to give you curiosity to give you understanding and wisdom to define what are the things that really happen.There is a lot of people out there like you and me taken apart there is a good chance that when you grow up y...

In September I get this bitter sweet feelings I sow your face and fall in love with your face September 2nd and 12 years have pass since you stay in my hearth but is also the month I last sow you 3 years ago and as that day approaches my heart wounds re-open and the sorrow and that oblivious hits harder I look at your old pics and I wonder how long more I will have to wait why I can be in your life  if you at least let me know why is it that you don't even want to see me in visitations i need your reasoning only not anyone's else. I want you to ask me questions that you may have show you pictures documents transcripts ext. I keep you always in my prayers and in my hearts love you and miss you tremendously                                                                                 ...

Yesterday was my son's Willmael birthday, but my depression hit me hart this year not longer able to use food as comfort for the pain I have been feeling,while my body heal my hearth still hurts yet another year goes by with out a world of you. It's have been a rough week I find my self hitting in my room for most of the day trying to get distracted  this time of the year is always hart to cope with the hearth hake of missing a love one meditation and prayers help me most of the day yesterday. As you age you learn that there is people that you can't never let go even if there are gone or far away this specials human beings that have touch your soul and can't never been forgotten. As yesterday you are 12 years old you must be become a young adult soon and soon 18 and as you will become and adult and eventually you will have children of your own and understand the love you feel for this gifts of God to you ,you will also will learn this is not easy task as each child is a...

You are about to be 12 years old in less than a month almost a teenager witch is the time of finding out who you are is a very confusing time because the decisions are starting to fall in your side of the woods more and more by every year of your teens the future that look it so far its start to look closer to adulthood mistakes will be made but experience be gain learning how to trust your instincts is a must because not everyone is about your best interest but their own keep your eyes in your goals and do what makes you happy. I be prepare for maybe just being in the side lines for just knowing you are okay maybe you hate me because that how you been feed but regardless i will love you and be happy and content that you are happy i will never stop loving you praying for you i be prepare for the worse but will hope for anything you will give me i live all my worries to God he know my hearth and yours and i be here to listen to anything you want to say good or bad i take it   ...

I love it when i dream of you i was hugging you and comforting you and actually having a conversation with you, you where talking to me like we haven't miss a bit and i love it. I know it was a dream but i think is God ways to comforting me when he knows i miss you next month is your birthday Big 12 teens years are just around the corner but that also remind me how long i haven't see you i'm waiting for you my baby boy i love you miss you and pray for you to be healthy happy and growing i send all my love Mom

When a person wake up in the morning never know if that will be the last time he have waken you know the day you where born but can not say when will be your last one. If i knew i will say this not only to you but to all my loves ones i have been bless with my four wonderful children with my parents with the family i have and with the ones that have parted with God. I don't regret nothing all do i will change somethings but not my family. Life is never perfect but you just need to high light the best in it and learn for your mistakes and work in the future and i really hope there is heaven so we can make up in all the lost time if we don't have a chance in this one love you now and for ever        Mom 

How this work is let them talk because they have the upper hand they have the child they said what they want the child to believe what they like people to believe but in the own words the sun don't get cover with your hand who don't really know you will sooner than later. there is your own voice in every single court date is call transcripts and they can be requested by court or for informative purpose since the very first court appearance to the last  so when you say i give you my child and i knew i was  giving it to you for good knowing that's a lie you setting yourself i may not be perfect i may no be hood smart but i do know this your own words are going to get you  03p2417 Springfield Massachusetts family court  that is the file case and unlike you u remember that day it plays in my head all the time and like Ana Marie Green family say there is evil out there but LOve always win

I love summer and cherry season it always bring me back to the summer i was pregnant with you i used to eat cherries by the bags lol green apples and peanut butter cerely and peanut butter love to remember this and i miss your hearth bet                                                       love you baby boy