The great depression after realizing what was done

After realizing my son grandmother was not coming back with my baby Willmael and had no intention of returning my son back desperation kicks in hi gear sadness over come my hearth while having post partum depression an to top it up being in an abusive relationship it was the perfect storm i remember working and crying tru the hole work day i feel so alone that no one cut help i hated myself and i cut not trust anyone anymore a very dark time. This is one day entry in my diary

June 7 2004

 It have been a week that i don't see my baby boy and every day i feel so sad upset and betrayed by one of the persons that I really wanted in my life to counted on like she was my family but  the desire to make her marriage and her life a complete one had to bring so much pain to me. I feel like someone stole one third of my hearth. I know that i have committed some mistakes with my boys and that is getting hard to bring them up but i will do my best know like i did before. i know i have been depressed for months, first was because i was with the pressure to provide for my kids them because my mom control was lost is not the same of being with them all the time i know is because they miss me and some how they feel abandoned by me working so many hours and by the father completely forgetting  all about them but she made matters worse for all of us and now a plus, my son is not even near me its good that babe is here with us you know even when we are having a hard time to start from scratch again we don't fight like we use to his mom say i shut not trust him money wise and in relationship but really what mess up was he told me the other day ( i wish i have write what it was he said to me now i don't remember) i love him like no other man and if he keep being like this and we really work this out we can be a big good and reliable family and soon bring Willmael with us. God if you give me the straight to get my life my family and my work balance and working in good harmony i would thank you always and i will put all my afford to make up for any mistakes that i had make before

                                                            Mayra

Oh man did my writing improved big this years is not always easy to put thoughts from spanish to english but i have improved tremendously  

As days past i made more dairy entries that i will keep posting police reports dss papers court papers ect.

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