after Christmas 2004

                                  Another dairy entry December 25, 2004

Today was the first time i have seen you after three months the you where in Puerto Rico it was an especial moment but i guess because you don't see me on a regular basis you don't recognize me and that hurt i hope God helps me to one day have you back you look just like your father  i love you baby with all my hearth Mom

What is not write in here is that after that visit i call your grandmother and she said she was going right back to Puerto Rico and she was going to stay there for good that i was never going to see you ever again i lose it i feel and i still feel that i fail you and your brothers because they where part of me they where being attack too i cut not protect them i cut not protect you post par-tum depression feeling alone and being in a relationship abusive not only by your father his family too and feel like i can't not get out of it  i snap i when to the small closed and with a extension cord i hang my self i did't want to live in so much pain i past out and you father cut the cord i guess ether he was afraid that he was going to be involve  in something like this making me go insane or i feel sorry for me i never try anything like that again thanks to my therapist and that he  make me see that for all of you i shut fight don't give up i never talk about this until now i was afraid of being judge but i'm only human but one thing i can say is i'm stronger because of this i will never give up because i love you your brothers and know your sister because in the middle of this God is so good to me so good to me that he give me straight faith and patient  and  for you i will wait i know if i wait in God time everything will come to light and i will have his justice. God knows my triumphs and tribulations he know my hearth and have seen my tears and in him i will wait.