Waiting for Willmael Delgado

In 1998 i was just 18 and about to have my second boy. Josh who i call my teddy bear he is the sweetest of my boys always giving hugs and kisses also very stubborn and in need to make his own mind and decisions on his own separating other people opinions. Never the less he is he and i love him regardless of time  he will be always be one of my boys given by God to me for a reason. and here 18 years later we have been thru thick and thin the good and the bad and i got to say when you love your kids you will forget wait fight smile cry pray and wait  you do it all for the love that never goes away. tomorrow he will be 18 be he will be always my meat ball with his giggles that same little human been i hold in my arms and for ever in my hearth. I always wanted a girl since day one but today i can not see my life with out my boys they made me better. Never regrets my kids but if i can give them a advice get to know yourself first then figure out what you need out of a partner date ...

When I was young and living life like I have only a few years to live and I was in the believe I knew it all but not clue of what the decisions and consequences will bring me I made huge life changing decisions I was a run away I didn't wanted to be with my mother and my father was just starting to settle in united states  trying to look for a better outcome for all of us. But I didn't want to deal with it my mother with her aggressive outburst got me to think he was not coming back for me and I was stuck there  so I ran way with friends in that time I me a 24 year old who is the father of your 2 oldest brothers I was just turning 16 and I was pregnant in my mind that was the only way I get to belong somewhere  and it change my life for ever I pass from being a kid to being an adult with no idea of what that will bring your brothers father was cut in a stolen car with a friend and some other things he end up going to jail I end up alone pregnant and with no idea what to d...

If you are in this boat you will know you will be thinking of your children at times like this when everyone is sleeping and the silent strikes when you see a kid your child age when you go into a store and see thinks you think he /she  may like when holidays birthdays and everyday is beginning  and ending you wondering about him/her. Love those not vanish just because  they are out of site pain does not stop because you stop crying at all times. We become wanderers of what have become of this loves ones of ours. Don't ever give up hope love does never quit.

This year we have been full of changes some good some bad but is the nature of life to adjust  to this and do the best of any situation. I have pray for a change on our relationship i have not give up and i don't think i will ever do. In previous years i have been on the blue side feeling like another year have past by and time was getting us more apart but i will say i feel like as you growing and become your own person we have a better chance. I have live it to God to work on in our hearths and have faith that one day you will look for answers. I will be always be here for you and you brothers and sister until  God call me to his side i will not always agree with decisions but advise forgiveness and acceptance always will be in my hearth for each of you. Your life is your journey to go thru as my life have been my journey none of my children are a extension of me but their own individuals and i have to respect that and let you all learn from your decisions i can only guide ...

yes is a boy i'm so exited a boy after all this girls and you will have a new family member soon yes total you will have a new cousin and because as we know you missing a lot a shut give you an update on pics you have a large family and you need to know who is who love you i will add up more today as the day goes along bye  love you 12/29/15 well Jasiah is here he is so tiny he was born the 23 and he is just perfect i toke me back to seen you and your brothers that tiny my heart never been the same after all your faces met mine and i feel in love a love that loves all of you no matter what a face that no matter how it change as all you grow i will always love none of you are perfect but guess what neither I'm and i love that fact you where hand pick by God to be my reason to exist and i will not wanted any other way loves my boys and my lil girl                                      ...

 In the anniversary of Sandy Hook I was remembering the days that fallow this tragedy the sadness and the pain. I also remember the question everyone was asking, why?. Weeks, months even years have past and no one will ever know what drove this individual to commit such a cruel act to this children and adults.  When listening to the conclusions of why it was believe he did it some experts said he was mentally unbalance some others that it was video games, others say he was an introverted person. It cut have been so many things but I think what made it to this big scale was that people around him family, friends or anyone who notice some of his behaviors just didn't recognize that there was an issue here that he need it help that he was screaming for help with his behavior. I think Anna's mother Nelba is doing such a Good job by creating awareness about  raising your voice to say this is not right or i think he needs help to know how to notice this issues and not just swee...

I love my mother don't get me wrong I will always love her no matter what I got to remind myself she is a person who have mental issues since forever but it's a lonely road having a mom like mine I can't not tell her everything because she will drown in a cup of water never the less what I have been going thru so there is no mom what shut I do or what your advise will be pretty much no direction from her because she is a drift herself so with that I have to live. I think that's is part of why I made so many mistakes I was desperate to belong in a place to a family  with no sense of belonging there is a  big defenseless part of myself that let the wrong people in taking advise even it it was wrong advise and guidance from what a believe was a good motherly figure to me. I was so naive and stupid and adding up lonely and lost any king of love was good for a fool like me. Yes i was 23 and yet knew nothing, if I knew what I know now. I always say this but not as often I ...