Waiting for Willmael Delgado

This year we have been full of changes some good some bad but is the nature of life to adjust  to this and do the best of any situation. I have pray for a change on our relationship i have not give up and i don't think i will ever do. In previous years i have been on the blue side feeling like another year have past by and time was getting us more apart but i will say i feel like as you growing and become your own person we have a better chance. I have live it to God to work on in our hearths and have faith that one day you will look for answers. I will be always be here for you and you brothers and sister until  God call me to his side i will not always agree with decisions but advise forgiveness and acceptance always will be in my hearth for each of you. Your life is your journey to go thru as my life have been my journey none of my children are a extension of me but their own individuals and i have to respect that and let you all learn from your decisions i can only guide ...

yes is a boy i'm so exited a boy after all this girls and you will have a new family member soon yes total you will have a new cousin and because as we know you missing a lot a shut give you an update on pics you have a large family and you need to know who is who love you i will add up more today as the day goes along bye  love you 12/29/15 well Jasiah is here he is so tiny he was born the 23 and he is just perfect i toke me back to seen you and your brothers that tiny my heart never been the same after all your faces met mine and i feel in love a love that loves all of you no matter what a face that no matter how it change as all you grow i will always love none of you are perfect but guess what neither I'm and i love that fact you where hand pick by God to be my reason to exist and i will not wanted any other way loves my boys and my lil girl                                      ...

 In the anniversary of Sandy Hook I was remembering the days that fallow this tragedy the sadness and the pain. I also remember the question everyone was asking, why?. Weeks, months even years have past and no one will ever know what drove this individual to commit such a cruel act to this children and adults.  When listening to the conclusions of why it was believe he did it some experts said he was mentally unbalance some others that it was video games, others say he was an introverted person. It cut have been so many things but I think what made it to this big scale was that people around him family, friends or anyone who notice some of his behaviors just didn't recognize that there was an issue here that he need it help that he was screaming for help with his behavior. I think Anna's mother Nelba is doing such a Good job by creating awareness about  raising your voice to say this is not right or i think he needs help to know how to notice this issues and not just swee...

I love my mother don't get me wrong I will always love her no matter what I got to remind myself she is a person who have mental issues since forever but it's a lonely road having a mom like mine I can't not tell her everything because she will drown in a cup of water never the less what I have been going thru so there is no mom what shut I do or what your advise will be pretty much no direction from her because she is a drift herself so with that I have to live. I think that's is part of why I made so many mistakes I was desperate to belong in a place to a family  with no sense of belonging there is a  big defenseless part of myself that let the wrong people in taking advise even it it was wrong advise and guidance from what a believe was a good motherly figure to me. I was so naive and stupid and adding up lonely and lost any king of love was good for a fool like me. Yes i was 23 and yet knew nothing, if I knew what I know now. I always say this but not as often I ...

Another year pass by people keep asking if i ever give up the answer is simple no  can't give up in my kids never. They are part of me but they are their own individuals they are not not just an extension of me neither  accessorize to my life but i will always love them no matter what. For the pass years people are being trying to say you where no good you where a bad mom  when the only now so little about me. I was born in the island of Puerto Rico, the only child of a young couples marriage that only survive burly a year.I was raise in the beautiful country side of the island my mother have a studio like apartment that my grandma and grandpa have build for us. I was the only child but i wasn't,  I have seven aunts and one uncle so I had plenty to play with most of the time it was my aunt Ivonne and Oneida believe it or not i was older than Ivonne by 10 days and even older than Oneida by 2 years. we where wild child's lol climbing trees picking berries swinging from...

to see your face it just made my day i cry but it was a happy cry i love you baby blue seeing you grow even from the distance make me happy you are so handsome

When I started this year i was still on the food roller coaster ride o write here but boy when the worst days came I ate everything and I cut not stop I wanted to fill that hole in me so seek for help started with the options on nutritionist and doctor both for the physical and emotional my highest weigh was 230 pounds and son you mom is only 5 feet so you can imagine I was big and getting sick but i cut not stop after that last attempt to reconnect with you it got worse.After long consideration I toke action regarding this matter today I'm 163 pounds feel way better physically and some mentally i still have my days where my hearth aches and I feel down but I remind myself that not all is lost and that God have a plan for us and what ever it is I have to accept it and go with his plan.i will keep knocking in your door to see if you open up and talk to me at list tell me what ever i did wrong so you wanted avoid me so we can work on it Willmael I'm not perfect but I love you mor...

When you live as an alienated parent you live with pain, sorrow and regrets but you also ask yourself how are things holding up in your child end . You tray to understand what they going thru but you only can see the tip of the iceberg there is much more to what you know. For instance you know the story of how thinks came to be but on the other side to your kid there is another story and believe me the narcissistic parent or in my case grandmother will make it something that will come from a novel, you will be almost be he spit of the devil or in my case the back bone of him. She will be the very sacrifice mother Theresa with the peace price  she never in her entire existence made or did anything to deserve the bad trash taking from anyone ever. betrayal is a key in alienation you with me or against me if you love the other end you don't love me any attempt of the child to make a relationship with the other parent it be reprehended so the will be no option for the child to comply w...

Hello my dear baby boy, I have open and close this blog many times try to write but is hard when I think of you this moments or better said in this change of season fall always mark an other year of not seeing you not even hearing your voice. It doesn't not matter the years it always hard missing a love one but in the mist of the waiting I pray to God to hear the mothers prayer for her child. Faith is the glue  that make my heart not to fall in to pieces. I pray for strength to  over come the things I can not understand why or how there is people that wanted to take us apart and then i think there is not understanding of the why in a mind of a narcissistic person i will get lost just to find one. So i just pray to God to interfere in your hearth to give straight to give you curiosity to give you understanding and wisdom to define what are the things that really happen.There is a lot of people out there like you and me taken apart there is a good chance that when you grow up y...

In September I get this bitter sweet feelings I sow your face and fall in love with your face September 2nd and 12 years have pass since you stay in my hearth but is also the month I last sow you 3 years ago and as that day approaches my heart wounds re-open and the sorrow and that oblivious hits harder I look at your old pics and I wonder how long more I will have to wait why I can be in your life  if you at least let me know why is it that you don't even want to see me in visitations i need your reasoning only not anyone's else. I want you to ask me questions that you may have show you pictures documents transcripts ext. I keep you always in my prayers and in my hearts love you and miss you tremendously                                                                                 ...

Yesterday was my son's Willmael birthday, but my depression hit me hart this year not longer able to use food as comfort for the pain I have been feeling,while my body heal my hearth still hurts yet another year goes by with out a world of you. It's have been a rough week I find my self hitting in my room for most of the day trying to get distracted  this time of the year is always hart to cope with the hearth hake of missing a love one meditation and prayers help me most of the day yesterday. As you age you learn that there is people that you can't never let go even if there are gone or far away this specials human beings that have touch your soul and can't never been forgotten. As yesterday you are 12 years old you must be become a young adult soon and soon 18 and as you will become and adult and eventually you will have children of your own and understand the love you feel for this gifts of God to you ,you will also will learn this is not easy task as each child is a...

hi baby boy sorry i haven write to you i just got out the hospital yesterday i had to have some surgery done but i'm feeling better by the hour i can wait to feel in tip top shape i be writing more soon i just wanted to let you know i love you sweet baby of mine

You are about to be 12 years old in less than a month almost a teenager witch is the time of finding out who you are is a very confusing time because the decisions are starting to fall in your side of the woods more and more by every year of your teens the future that look it so far its start to look closer to adulthood mistakes will be made but experience be gain learning how to trust your instincts is a must because not everyone is about your best interest but their own keep your eyes in your goals and do what makes you happy. I be prepare for maybe just being in the side lines for just knowing you are okay maybe you hate me because that how you been feed but regardless i will love you and be happy and content that you are happy i will never stop loving you praying for you i be prepare for the worse but will hope for anything you will give me i live all my worries to God he know my hearth and yours and i be here to listen to anything you want to say good or bad i take it   ...

I love it when i dream of you i was hugging you and comforting you and actually having a conversation with you, you where talking to me like we haven't miss a bit and i love it. I know it was a dream but i think is God ways to comforting me when he knows i miss you next month is your birthday Big 12 teens years are just around the corner but that also remind me how long i haven't see you i'm waiting for you my baby boy i love you miss you and pray for you to be healthy happy and growing i send all my love Mom

When a person wake up in the morning never know if that will be the last time he have waken you know the day you where born but can not say when will be your last one. If i knew i will say this not only to you but to all my loves ones i have been bless with my four wonderful children with my parents with the family i have and with the ones that have parted with God. I don't regret nothing all do i will change somethings but not my family. Life is never perfect but you just need to high light the best in it and learn for your mistakes and work in the future and i really hope there is heaven so we can make up in all the lost time if we don't have a chance in this one love you now and for ever        Mom 

This is one of my favorite times when my Dad visit i love him and if you met him you love him too he is funny he is caring easy to talk to never the less a big teddy bear with the hear of melted chocolate he will tell you a 1001 stories about me and you aunts and uncles he loves cars and motorcycles always smiling and sure you and him will be like peanut butter and jelly lol and he can wait to finally meet you is not the same in pictures                                                                                    well here all my love  Mom 

How this work is let them talk because they have the upper hand they have the child they said what they want the child to believe what they like people to believe but in the own words the sun don't get cover with your hand who don't really know you will sooner than later. there is your own voice in every single court date is call transcripts and they can be requested by court or for informative purpose since the very first court appearance to the last  so when you say i give you my child and i knew i was  giving it to you for good knowing that's a lie you setting yourself i may not be perfect i may no be hood smart but i do know this your own words are going to get you  03p2417 Springfield Massachusetts family court  that is the file case and unlike you u remember that day it plays in my head all the time and like Ana Marie Green family say there is evil out there but LOve always win

I love summer and cherry season it always bring me back to the summer i was pregnant with you i used to eat cherries by the bags lol green apples and peanut butter cerely and peanut butter love to remember this and i miss your hearth bet                                                       love you baby boy

I know you must be exited back to school preparations are here, first year in middle school must be exiting. I can just imagine how big you have got and of course handsome. This is the time where you need to stated considering checking different couriers just to text the waters before heading to high school. They will be making different work shops to just show you different fields my advice try as much you want is good to explore your possibilities but i the end just choose something you will like to do in the daily bases  and be happy about it. don't get frustrated if you don't find or chose right away remember you are just testing the waters. well i hope you are healthy i hope you are enjoying life i just want you to be you and happy                                                                       love...

Today is a new day my baby boy and I'm not only giving thanks to God for another day of life but another day he allow me to wait for you, to pray for you and think of you. Don't get me wrong  I think of all of you during the day but I haven't have a conversation with you in years and I really miss that and i wonder if i will hear your child voice again or if be be surprise  to hear a deep voice well i will keep praying for you and hoping maybe you change your mind about seeing me until them Que Dios te bendiga  te amo  Mom

I open my blogger today and notice i have had 5000 views and in my mind I hope you have seen this or someone close to you do i just want you to know I'm here waiting thinking of you wishing to see you to know about you is a way to try to reach to you and say hey i want to be a part of your life just let me in  with this said i just want to let you know i love you Wilo                                                                                                                love Mom

This is a every day thing the moment you wake up give thanks to God for another day and send in your day prayer for all does that you love, meditated and think. You wonder about your child that you are not allow no contact, is hard to live like this wondering is he OK is he happy is he healthy or does he need someone to talk to. Is the hardest thing not knowing anything about your child life, you have to have a lot of faith hope and strength to survive this and you hope that God will provide the same to you child. I can't not imagine the position or stress  that he was put in when the court let him decide if he wanted to see me he having to chose must put him in a lot of pressure because he didn't want to have to live with the consequences of saying yes he just wanted peace i hope you have it baby boy but know one thing i love you no matter the distance, time and division i will always love you and here i wait until you are ready               ...

Hey son tomorrow is my birthday and I will wish to see you when I blow my candle. I also was remembering when I turn 29 my highlight of that day was going to take see you and take you to chuck e cheeses I still got pics of us from that day I hope one day we see each ether again I really miss you I'm here for when you are ready son write to me in my email dulcemaru79@gmail.com. I will really will like to know about you I wish my intentions of establishing visitations away of your grandma's eyes so you cut be you but the court decline because they ask you and you din't want to why I don't know.Maybe one day you can tell me your side of your story until then don't you forget I Love you and miss you                                                                                     ...

I fear the time that passes with out knowing of you, I fear the canyon of separation that divide us. I fear father time that does not stop for any of us. I fear dead  because it will separated us more. But in the mist of my fears Hope to see you again  to retake time loss to have a chance to give you all my love to get closer to know every bit of who you are I love you son and I pray to God to see you one day                                                                                                                                        Love mom

Waiting for Willmael Delgado : life re-runs : I always believe my that my grandfather story was a bit sad because he lose his mother to at a young age he end up living with some relati...

I always believe my that my grandfather story was a bit sad because he lose his mother to at a young age he end up living with some relatives. He pretty much fight to survive and make it thru. He was let to believe that his father never love him or wanted him that he when on re married and forgot about him.  But the truth came to light late in his life about how he was made believe this things. His mothers family didn't like him at all so they told him his Fathers name was Francisco and he was register as Tito at age 15 never the less that was a mess his father was told my grandfather wanted nothing to do with him and my grandfather the same so they where private  of a father son relationship Bienvenido my  great grandfather and my grandfather Esteban miss in a lot of ways that love the relationship and time just because a dislike, because someone decided he was better off not even knowing a hole other family. His brothers sisters aunt uncles cousins and grandparents wh...

Well I bet your counting for school vacation start Emy's last day is today and I have been doing some research to make a plan. I know there is free movies and bowling so I was thinking to combine that with a library visits and kind of out door little adventures Emely have a bug net I hope to see some butterflies and fireflies she in to bugs as long they are in a constable distance, lady bugs we had catch at the beach but getting to the point I hope you have a summer reading list at least a book a day of reading if is lite just read about things you like I love fiction and action so just grab a book and go into and adventure make sure you go outside and explore and experience go fishing or just for a walk ask questions and be curious have fun enjoy the good weather after all you have all winter to be coop inside I know we are allergic to a lot of things but with some good mediation, mosquito repellent and some sun screen you be ready to be outside. I see the blackberries bushes all...

my grand father pass a week ago today he was the greatest man i know he was always there for all of us. Is unfortunately the only way he met you was pictures and i guess know that be the only way you will get to see him  he was the best in everything he did he is my root and even when i don't get to see those i know there are there with me and you my little seed i hope you are growing well i hope you are healthy i hope you getting smarter and i have faith i will see you again                                                                                                                                                   ...

"kiss the rain" by Yiruma makes me think of you the way i keep faith and hope that one day we will have a fair chance of a relationship it remind me of what i say when i was waking out of court faith is the last think i will lose, God allows things to happens that we don't understand but i know he listen to a mother cry for her children. I choose to love you to wait for you to pray for you. Love is the greatest straight a person can have, trial teach us patience,  God teach us forgiveness.                                                                                  I love you and i always will  

I have to say this is been in long time since I sow you and that is a reason to be sad but you can ether see the glass have empty or half full and in this mothers day I have to say i'm so glad I have you I can't not imagine not being your Mother not giving you life the pain of labor was completely worth it is true I don't see you but I don't see my world with out you in it I take the pain again if I have to just because it worth that handsome face you have and that warm smile you are so perfect to my eyes I love you son and I will until my last breath                                                                                     Love Mom 

This have been a journey ever since I lost you. I have my downs and ups and and my very rock bottoms and up again. Living with out you is like missing something vital, is like having a handicap heart never allowing my self to fill fully happy even when everything around me almost fill my life with Joy.  I think you will understand when you have your own kids. How truly love at first site work how each of those lives imprint to your how you will always want to do the best but in that prospective you will make mistakes hey it happens to ones more then others, kids don't come with manuals life don't come with introductions for a perfect life ether, i think is a survival to adjust to challenges fight for what we need and pray for the things we can not understand or control. I love you that all i know whether you do or not can't change this feeling i just need to adjust and pray.I wish i cut keep fitting but i guess we need to be in the same page a this point you have to say hey...

Another season have pass and an other start just reminding me how fast time is passing how you much you have grown just next season you be 12 years old closer to being a teen oh man getting taller more handsome i hope school is going good and you have lots of good friends i hope you are in good health too thriving on sports and fun activities i will keep my prayers for you always i have say this like a million times but  i will say it again i miss you and i wonder about you and i always you have my forever love                                                                                                                           I love you,  mom

  Missing your child is a every day thing for parents that have been alienated for their child. I remember telling my son's Guardian ad Litem Why his grandmother is so afraid to let me have a relationship with my son? Why she dough on his capacity to love? It's been a couple of years since the judge rule again having visitations with my son and now I understand that she was not afraid of my son capacity to love but her capacity of  her love for him to love him enough to share him love him enough to say I'm your grandmother not your mother  love him enough to let him find out by himself who his mother really is. I live my life missing my child but she lives hers afraid of the truth, fearing that God will light up the eyes and the mind of my child to understand fearing  that God will clean the poison she have administrated for years. In this few days I have to come to the point Where I Live this in God hands all the worries all the pain all I will forgive all does that...

For a while now I have been felling a little better, I smile more I'm sad less and my fear and depression have gone down Yes I say depression that sad feeling that feel like you can never get out of like quick sand. Because yes I have a life and things are good but when you always wondering about how your child is doing what he is feeling and missing you have had me drawing in sorrows is not hard to find myself that way,some other days I'm mad at myself, at my mistakes that cost me so much. some days it when numb and I walk like a zombie not concentrating and nothing and never the less the emotional eating trying to feel better. But now I have not had a crying spell in weeks and even do I feel sad when I think of how you doing and how much I miss you it doesn't over take me in a eternal gloom. I have pick up books and read them  I have stop eating when I'm sad , anxious or angry. I feel with more energy not dragging my feed in a vague effort to keep going with the flow ...

It been a little while since i write to you here a little longer than usual i have sit down and stare at the screen but wrote nothing thinking if you know I'm waiting here to Love you with all this love i have for you to listen to all the things you haven't say to me i can't give up you are always on my prayers you are always in my thoughts i can't forget about you is like forgetting a part of me of my life you are  very significant in my live. When you are ready to communicated i be here ready to listen to what you have to say. I love you nothing will change that                                                       Love MOM

Waiting for you Willmael Delgado : I hope you wonder : I was watching the Tangled movie with your little sister again when I realize how close is this story to our story. Rapunzel was taken ...

I was watching the Tangled movie with your little sister again when I realize how close is this story to our story. Rapunzel was taken from her parents by mother Gothel for her own vane reasons keeping her away from her parents look away in a tower telling her not to wonder. Her parents in a effort and hope of ever finding her daughter send thousands of lanterns up to the sky every year on her birthday hopping one day returns. As Rapunzel ages she wonders and in her subconscious she knows something  is not right she tries not to question mother Gothel  but she still needs to know about the lanterns and why every year exactly on her birthday they light up the sky. I hope you wonder my baby boy I hope you do, I hope you can see even all you know is her that you have a mother that misses you and can't give up in finding YOU one day. In this years I have been trying to be re-united with you I have try so many times and fall so many times but there is a famous quote by Gail Ly...

I wonder if you ever tell me why you don't want to see me? Why you refuse to have visitation? I wonder if you will tell me how we can work in our relationship? Is hard to know what I doing wrong  and to fix it if I don't know what was my mistake. What was the reason why you  say no I don't want to see her. I wish you can communicated with me to see how we can start over again I can't give up I can't just forget you like you where not my son like I never Love you my heart can stop loving you when you heart beat and my where sink together in one bit when i sow you the very first time I cry of happiness because you where so perfect I have four children not 3 why can't i be there for you  why I can't hug you, listen to you, know your reason baby boy i'm waiting on you to be ready to let me know what you have to say I'm here I'm here always be

In the day we all celebrate love I celebrate my love for you that not even the distance the time the people who pulls us apart can't stop this love I feel for you a love that can endure time challenges and trails I can still say to you I love you yesterday today and tomorrow for who you are and that is that .....                                                                                                 Love your MOM

Well I know you definitely didn't had school today, I hope you stay nice and warm inside making the most of your snow day you are so close to reach middle school know soon but if you keep having snow days it be July before your school vacations arrive i hope you keeping good grades and i hope you are being a good boy despite your situation. I will keep you in my prayers and like always in my heart know that i love you and i always will Willmael you are my baby blue love your Mom                                                                                                    

I write because this is the closes thing to communicate with you and express how deeply you are love, miss and remember by Mother and family. because I have to let out this feelings, because you have to know how much you mean to me, how much I regret taken the decisions I toke. I don't know if you have seen this but i do know Your grandmother have knowledge of this this is according to her  friends commenting( I think is her narcissistic self i know she likes to look for me in the social media) but she know and i know she likes to put me down with her narcissistic methods you know she is perfect devoted and no one else is lol but if you ever wonder let me know i can prove myself  i'm not scare of doing so. I also know how much she loves control so i know unless  a friend tell you and you find ways to see this away from her watchful eyes like she does you can email me at Dulcemaru79@gmail.com so we can meet ...

I have been sitting in front of the computer for minutes looking outside the widow seen the know fall slow coming down. The small pound all in white at the back of the house with out no ducks or quack quack like your little sister  like to call them,thinking how to start today's blog. She comes next to me and say mami wake up where is your mind,I look at her at only 3 years old she knows that there is moments where my mind is gone to where ever you are, wondering how are you feeling today?, wondering how you doing in school?. What you like to do in your free time? or who are you as an individual?.How you life is been? and where is going? I hope that your hearth is in the right place and in every mistake you make you learn that one that mistake is done there is not take back but there is moving forward in how to make it right.  we won't be human if we don't make any mistakes. I hope to that you developed empathy toward other people feelings, sometimes you have to wear this ...

I woke up up shaking up upset with teary eyes from a nightmare because this is not a dream. In my dream in my house your grandmother, her husband and you where having this meeting with this group of people don't know what is was beings said by your grandma but she was on front of the group her husband out back and you and this people on the chairs listening to what ever she had to say in the back of the kitchen the calendar that  I cross everyday wish  I keep looking on to and your grandmother husband just looking at me like my near existence bother him. Then you get up from the crowd and come at me to talk to me, you tell me how you hate me and how I was not there for you, how I left you I got down to your eye level and said to you, is that how you where toll all this happens, is that what you think I did, you go back and tell them they are not going to use you to hurt me anymore, that everything that comes from your mouth are words and thoughts they put in there. I will sh...

I'm going to smile live remember you and wait for you because you are one of the reasons I live for I love you more than you know.....                                                                                   love mom

In the dream some was looking for you It look  like a field trip or something that when wrong I remember saying I don't care I have to go so I when there I waited for a long time and you where one of the very last found I remember looking but no one was there but me you ran and hug me and said mom I hug you and kiss you and it was like an unspoken understanding moment when we knew we wanted this we have miss this but we where not longer afraid of consequences we where free to be mother and child I was sad to have woken up I was hugging you so much  I love when I dream of you but this dream was one of the best all I had but I wish nothing ever like that happens to you, but you the part where we cut be close again well that can happen whenever you are ready I be here for when that happen.                 Love mom

Waiting for you Willmael Delgado : a brand new year with new hopes : This year I have made me a promise to you and me. In this new year is the year where I will like to work in forgiving myself because for ye...

This year I have made me a promise to you and me. In this new year is the year where I will like to work in forgiving myself because for years I have felt guilty for giving custody to your paternal grandmother this is been a heavy weight in my heart that I have been carrying around for years there will be no longer that filling hunting me and my promise to you to work in whatever I have done wrong that have make you feel uncomfortable  and distance from me I just wish you will tell me what went wrong so I can make it better maybe if you tell me what's your point of view help me see what wrong and to fix it. I have one wish I wish you remember my me my actions my gestures when we spend time together forget about what people said and remember my actions in those brief moments that We had and I hope that the future We can be what We are mother and child I hope  that in the future We can be that without no fear  1 Cori...